Of the spinning carousel
2:13 a.m. on 2006-09-06

And so term 3 draws to a close.

It’s the books for now, before the much needed break.
Time to rest, to catch up, to find out how you you and you actually are, to tie those messy ends.. time for closure, as term 4 ends.

Closure. before new beginnings.

For now the ever elusive thirty minutes lunching, and one-liners speaking the unspoken, will have to do. Those weak, silly thoughts constantly perpetuating that tiny grey matter up there have to go.

It’s amazing how emotion can overwhelm you enough such that you find yourself doing, or thinking, the very things you don’t want to. And then sometimes it gets a wee bit too scary.

I often spin around with you and hear
the fragile music of a carousel.
My horse would gallop forward if I let him
but I prefer the swinging back to where
we were, slow undulations round and back
to identical place, I prefer to see
your black hands with mine on a crimson mane
which will never be swept back by the wind.

- Lucinda Roy

And I often find myself wishing we could go back to yesterday once more, when everything was so much simpler, and better. Lack of time, indifference, attitude; they’re not reason enough for this. I know it. And I know what I want.

But you’ll never know.

To have things rollercoaster up and down with it’s highs and lows; it’s tiring so. Still I hope and pray, that you’ll always be fine, that you’ll see everything through to the day they become inconsequential, that you’ll be happy.

If I could get another chance
I’d play a song that would never, ever end

I know what sacrifices mean, and how they feel. I do.
I wish I didn’t have to let go, too.

.

And sometimes you cry.
Falling, the tears in silence are
Swept away, dried by the wind.
Then picking pieces, and moving on
With dreams, to give faith
That fighting chance.

If yesterday was the memory it was
One worth keeping
If loving was the mistake it was
One worth making
If forever was the choice it was
One worth choosing

But lost, you say,
In the world of ten.
Dancing, to the music,
Of the spinning carousel
Forever and ever more

Taken, from the start, and forever since.

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