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zheng qi Expos are killing my creativity. And possibly my passion for writing. Ha. I laugh. Sociocentrism. What a mouthful. What a mind-ful, too. Appreciation, to those who’ve helped. It’s gone a long way. Maybe I just let go of the kite. Or maybe, it’s hanging by that tiny, tiny width of string. In other words, the next breeze would just separate the string into two. I want to let go, I really do. It’s hurting to hold on so long. My arm’s tired, and no one’s around to help. There’s no one who will hold it up for me. There’s no one around who knows how tiring it is. There’s no one to share in the feel of it flying up high. But then again, I don’t want to. Maybe it’s because I’ve held onto it for so long and I don’t want to have tired my arm for nothing. Maybe it’s because some tiny voice refuses to allow the other tiny voice to psycho me into letting go. Maybe it’s plainly because I still want to hold onto it. Or maybe, it’s because of what he said. I haven’t forgotten. How could I? The honour, in listening to it. During English that day, we were talking about the groups we belong to. Then we were talking about conforming to the unspoken rules of each group. And the consequences of being in each group. Then I saw it. I suddenly realized that what I wanted, what my vision was, what I wanted to do- everything was carved out of my prior experience. So maybe, it’s unfair of me to impose my views on them, because nothing has happened to make them want what I do. Past week was killer, really killer. A lot of people slept very little. All cause of ss. Oh well. Maths was a big failure too, no idea what I’m going to do. Or rather, what I can do. It’s not like the next week won’t be a killer. Haha. Ytd was fun. Was quite torn between staying home to see what would happen when lhl came, and going for ballet under the stars. Chose the latter, reached and met reb. After quite a bit of calling all 5 of us met outside parkmall and walked there. Set up our picnic stuff ie our mat and ourselves -.- on a length of cable haha. “if the sound stops we know why” X) during the first performance we did a lot of crap ie scandalous stuff haha. Too bad, didn’t bring my cam. Lx brought, but “going to develop and my parents will see, so cannot take scandals.” Ah. I say we suffer from restricted creativity. Haha. Had fun when we shua4ed zg, totally crafted mich’s smses to make them sound.. suggestive. Haha. During the interval went up to have a look then came back down. After that went up again with mich to get smth we finally decided on. Smth that we shouldn’t really lay our hands on, smth that we enjoyed, smth that we went back for again. You think? (: Were super high went we left, due to a..combination of reasons, I should say. I had to walk behind by special request to ensure they didn’t disappear halfway. -.- anyway, really had fun. Chips, melted choc, the unknown substance, jokes, looking at stars and all. Looking at stars. I wonder how many of you were really listening when she said all that. Ytd night when I was writing the first half of this entry my dad was telling me about the acjc rugby guy who got into an accident. Then I realized he was talking about the guy weiliang went to visit on our first day at imcb. I didn’t realize that it was that bad, that.. everything’s lost. It’s so easy for a star to just.. die out like that. (for lack of a better word) Far too easy. By the time anyone realizes it may already have been too late. They always say to cherish those you can, those who are around you. Easier said than done. How many people around really appreciate what others do for them, how many don’t take things for granted? Some people don’t even realize that others are sacrificing for them; much less realize how much these people are doing. Unless we learn to really let go, we’ll never be able to take in fully what others are doing for us. Because we’re so consumed in what we’re doing. Consumed in what we want. Consumed in us, ourselves. No, it’s hard to look at things from other’s perspective. I used to think that we are never able to feel what others do, even though 2 people might be placed in the exact same situation. Simply because we are two different people, we have different perspectives, different reactions, different emotions. We don’t react similarly because of our past experiences, because of our expectations of people, of life. I still think so. Even though I also think that you can feel very similarly towards smth. Afterall, who’s to say it’s impossible? Sometimes I’m torn between wanting to indulge myself in the fantasies of my mind, and wanting to stay within the harsh depths of reality. I’m starting to think that this really shouldn’t be what it is now. She made the wrong choice. Or maybe, it was her only choice. Who knows? It shouldn’t have been me. I’ve been too imposing all along. I’ve put in place my views, what I think, what I want. I’ve tried asking, but no one seems to bother, so I’ve carved it the way I liked. It’s no doubt an unspoken consequence, but an unfair one at that. I thought it was for the good of everyone. Now I’m not so sure. It seems like everything is going the other way now. It’s time to look it over. I said, correct my misconceptions. Won’t you? It’s nearing the end. Soon all this will become nothing. Do it now, do it. Before it’s too late. Time flies, you know. Just like hope does. And yet, the same tiny voice reigns. The persistence - in its tiny frame, its tiny existence. When smiles start to shake, Illusion. For want of a better word, a better hope, a better tomorrow. interesting : ???? ~ says:what areyou writing, can write for so long ???? ~ says: love letter ah dream--*] [zheng qi] nothing. /11 says: -.- dream--*] [zheng qi] nothing. /11 says: love letter write to who lor ???? ~ says: dawn dream--*] [zheng qi] nothing. /11 says: LOL . . . ???? ~ says: sad ???? ~ says: your love life is sad dream--*] [zheng qi] nothing. /11 says: WHAT! ???? ~ says: (: |
